so...

So, my o- pain has subsided, but my nipples are still killing me. It hurts to nurse. That bad. I'm nervous and exicted for the next coming weeks. We have been bunny rabbits for the last two, and my chart says I should try again tonight, but I am so tired. I seem to have a tendency towards being a dead fish.
I just have to go on and on about this b/c we haven't shared with that many people, and its just on my mind. I think the fact that I am charting has made it worst...like I said last time, its like a watched pot.

Landen has been napping good lately. From like 1:15-3:45 today. NICE. As for nights, he's been waking around 4 am, and not being able to go right back to sleep. Ihave to get up and rock him, which wakes me up and then I have to try and relax again. I guess better me than him, right?

I need to get my act together with my doula studies. I have finished the hardest part, which was my favorite part, the pysiology part. Now its more reading my required books, writing my essay, which is mostly written, just needs to be typed up, b/c for some reason I felt the need to kill my hand and write it old school style.

I think I am ready to take on a client. I was afraid at first, b/c I thought, what do I do. But I know what to do. I just have to put it into action. I was going to "shadow" someone, but then I felt that, it would be awkward for me, and she lives so far. It's now about childcare for Landen during this birth, and the fact that landen doesn't go to sleep with out me. DH could do it. It would take a while, but he could do it.

Last night I had a terrible dream, Landen was sleeping in his crib (which he never does b/c we co sleep, and I had left to go to a neighbors for a while (which I would NEVER do) I came back and and found him lying on the floor next to his crib, arms and legs splayed out as though broken. I was gone so long, he had stopped crying, and was just staring at me, and my heart broke, and I said oh, honey, and then I woke up. My gosh, I had to get out of bed, and wake up, I was afraid I would fall back asleep into that dream. It was horrible, the sight of him. The thought of him thinking I'm not there. ACK.

Thanks for reading this far if you did.